Here we are again with another Star Wars film review. Last week I reviewed The Phantom Menace and this week I am continuing on with the Star Wars reviews in anticipating for The Force Awakens, this week is Attack of the Clones (which you knew from the title).
With all of that being said lets get on with the review. I am going to say this and get it out there, I really do not like this movie, it is the worst of the saga and feels like a chore to watch, when I was younger I loved this film but I grew up and understood what makes a good film and need a good story for a film to be good. This film does not deliver on just about anything, firstly this is where the prequels should have started with Anakin being a teenager or adult. This film more than Phantom Menace just drags on and on and there is very, very little to look forward to unlike in Phantom Menace were we can look and think, not long till Darth Maul or here is a good scene (which isn’t very often).
The film starts with an attempt on Padme’s life and there is no emotion behind the scene, we have just spent an entire film with her and we are supposed to think that she has been assassinated but really we couldn’t care else. I will say one thing that I missed out in my review is that the scenes with Ian McDiarmid as Palpatine is great and we see him manipulating everyone to get what he wants. We then see that Anakin played by Hayden Christensen (very bland)and Obi Wan Kenobi still played by Ewan McGregor who gets better as the films progress. It’s good to see that what George Lucas depicts as love in these films is staring and very “interesting” lines of dialogue, Anakin comes of as being very stalkerish when he is saying that he can do is think about her and he just stares at her, it is quite uncomfortable. Now something would could be really smart but we all know that George never put this much thought in to it is when, for some reason Zam Wessel tries to kill Padme with worms! with worms! not a grenade or anything, I mean you never tried to blow her up at the begging, did you. Back to the point the two Jedi save her life and Obi Wan jumps out of the window and grabs onto the droid, but he says to Anakin that he needs to think before he acts and not to be careless so why did he jump out of the window, well if I really want to come up with an excuse I would say that Obi Wan was young when he taught Anakin and still slips up not realizing he is a master, but that is think way too much.
Not much happens after they catch Zam and Jango kills her, Anakin is told he has to protect Padme and go to Naboo, Obi Wan is ordered to go to Kamino and seek who this bounty hunter, I just explaied like 20 minuets of the film. Eventually Obi Wan finds Kamino and finds out that there is a bounty hunter there called Jango Fett and that he was the basis for the clone army who was made for the Republic, from an order from Master Sifo Dyas (better explained in the Clone Wars Series). All the clones are bred from Jango Fett’s DNA and that they are made to grow twice as fast so they age faster. Except one clone was not, his son Boba Fett that made a lot of fans angry that Boba is just a clone of another bounty hunter.
In between all of this get the scene with the now infamous line, “I don’t like sand, It’s coarse, rough and irritating an it gets everywhere”, im sorry but this just shows that while I worship at the altar of George Lucas and would do anything to meet him, that he messed up quite a lit with these films. Then we get another very pointless scene with Anakin and Padme where Anakin is saying that he loves her and they could keep if they do anything a secret and she just shoots him down straight away but how she acts and talks in the scene says otherwise. Next scene is with Jango vs Obi Wan which I actually enjoy this scene more than most people would, it’s raining and they fight, I mean honestly there isn’t much that I can say about this scene. They both get in ships and Obi Wan follows Jango to the planet of Geonosis, which they have a fight which is entertaining but Jango shoots a Seismic Charge at Obi Wan and it makes one of my favorite Star Wars sounds ever.
I am going to be quick for a bit, Obi Wan goes to Geonosis and sends a transmission to Anakin (who is on Tatooine) to relay the message to Corusant for the Council and Obi Wan gets captured by the Trade Federation. Right Anakin has gone to Tatooine with R2D2 and Padme because he is having visions of his mother. So they find out that she married someone and that they have a moisture farm out in the dunes, so they go and find out that Anakin now has a step brother and his wife called Owen and Beru Lars. Also we see that C3P0 is still around and he will go with them from now on (which they don’t explain why) Anakin goes off to find his mother and I actually do really like this scene where he sees his mother dying and he get’s to say that he loves her before she dies and he goes on a killing spree of the Tusken Raiders, then they ruin the scene by having him say to Padme, I killed them, not only the men but women and children too, they were animals and I slaughtered them like animals.
Next we meet Sir Christopher Lee’s Count Dooku, and we find out that he was master to Qui Gon Jin who mastered Obi Wan and we see a small piece of manipulation on the Count’s side because he is trying to get Obi Wan to join him by using Qui Gon as a weapon to do so. Next we get a pointless and quite honestly boring scene that isn’t suspnesful in the slightest, the droid factory fight nothing happens, all that happens in this scene is that Anakin’s lightsaber get broken and they try to make you get on the edge of your seat for Padme (again might I add) and we don’t care (still) then they all get captured by Jango and the Federation, that’s it, honestly I’m not lying.
Oh yes then the kiss scene, where they admit that they truly, deeply love eachother, the whole next 25 minuets of the film is just pointless fighting between the Clones and the Jedi and the Trade Federation, nothing fun happens, Jango gets killed by Mace Windu, Boba holds his dead dad’s head which is quite dark. All you need to know is Anakin and Obi Wan are chasing after Count Dooku.
They catch up to Count Dooku and have a fight, well I say fight I mean Anakin get taken out straight away, Obi Wan lasts maybe a minuet and then get’s beaten, Then comes the scene which I do not like at all because Yoda comes and has a fight with Dooku, I like the first part with them testing eachother’s ability of the force because Dooku was Yoda’s apprentice but then they fight with lightsabers and I do not like this because when watching Empire Strike Back I always got the idea that Yoda was soo powerful like the Emperor that they never needed lightsabers, they just used the force. They fight and Yoda has to stop a column landing on Anakin and Obi Wan, so this allow Dooku to escape, oh yeh Anakin had his arm cut off and that’s it. Then we see that the clone wars has begun and Anakin and Padme get married.
Finally I finished that, I really don’t like this film as you could tell, it is a chore to watch and when ever I do a Star Wars Marathon, this is the one that I go on my phone or do something else the whole time. Oh and Aslo why is it called Attack of the Clones, they don’t attack they just defend. I would give this film a 5/10. The pace of the film is all over the place, it is not entertaining apart from the odd scene, not much happens to move the story forward, it is the worst of the Star Wars Saga and I always dread the moment I have to watch this film. That is all for the Star Wars reviews for this week, thank you and goodbye.